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Yellow Cake

Azerbaijan and Me discuss Tea

12/10/2012

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I believe that you could go to any city in the world and pay expensive prices for stuff or seek out cheaper prices.  This is the whole point of having cities, we have choice.  Take something as simple as a coffee, in London you can pay as little or as much as you like.  There is of course an element of you-get-what-you-pay-for and that is up to you to judge. You can pay vast amounts for the privilege of sitting on a plush seat, sugar with silver tongs and macarons if you want.  Or you can go to your neighbourhood café. However, there is always coffee available.

The only place I have ever been that has defeated this philosophy is Zurich, where everything routinely and frighteningly costs the same regardless of setting. But no one wants to go there anyway. It is painfully nice and ever so dull.

In Baku they don’t really like coffee.  It is some sort of Western fad, something for the American visitors.  No one else is really interested and to find some you have to go to very specific coffee houses.  There is a nice one in town called the Coffee Company, where they have slavishly recreated every last detail of Starbucks, it even has real life fat American customers too.

I got tired of being charged in the region of £7 for instant Nescafe disguised as espresso and gave up. You cannot get decent coffee therefore there is no point in paying for the bad stuff really. I am defeated. 

Tea drinking is something of an institution in this part of the world. There are distinct rules you must adhere to.  So here follows the Azerbaijani guide to tea:   

1. No milk.  This is an absolute, ask for milk and they will look at you as if you are mad. Milk is for cakes and ice cream you western fool.

2. Tea. Don’t expect to chose teas, there is no Earl Grey or English Breakfast, this isn’t the last days of the Empire and you’re not in the Raj.  There is just tea, no need for further complication.

3. Sugar. This must be in cube form, anything else is not acceptable.

4. Lemon. Essential, must be violently squashed repeatedly with a tiny spoon, making lots of noise.

5. Tea pots. Must be white, round and squat.  Any deviation from this and your tea will clearly taste wrong. Under no circumstances look inside, you will release spirits.

6. Glasses.  Must be small and shaped like a coke bottle.  The fancier the tea-palace you have chosen the more likely you are to find a crystal cup. You must fill this three quarters full only, otherwise you will burn your fingers.

7. Jam.  In some places fruit jam is added instead of sugar, or you just eat the jam by the spoonful.  No need to join in on this one, it is a Russian tradition, for old people only.

8. Nuts.  This ranges, again depending of the fanciness of your tea palace, from a handful of walnuts to six different types of nuts and dried fruit served in crystal bowls.

Simple really.  Still tastes like dishwater though as far as I’m concerned.


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